maybe tomorrow
by Yati
Summary: A collection of Xenosaga drabbles/short fics. Mostly response to prompts on LJ.
1. snow and silence

_let snow and silence mark the site of my unseemly appetite_

--

It's winter in her subconscious domain. It's winter, too, outside, at the Institute, but there the weather is mild and there's no thick blanket of snow smothering its gardens. It's cold here, yet Sakura doesn't seem to notice it even though she is still wearing her summer dress. Albedo feels Sakura's unease towards him more acutely than the cold, and it makes him angry. Sakura makes him angry -- the way her eyes flit away when they meet his and how her fingers clench at her dress when he stares at her -- it's the small things that makes him angry. She stays close to Rubedo and she dares -- she _dares_ -- pluck at Rubedo's sleeve, and Rubedo turns, a smile on his lips, though it disappears almost immediately at her nervous behaviour. His questions are only met with a shake of her head, and when Rubedo glances at his other two companions Albedo just shrugs, and Nigredo doesn't say anything despite whatever he might have noticed, playing peacemaker all the way.

After a while, Rubedo takes her hand, almost without thinking, and leads her along as they make their way along the path, towards the endless chasms and the fallen windmills.

Rubedo used to hold _his_ hand once, before Sakura came into their lives. He wants to pull apart those pale, perfect hands, drench the snow red with her blood. He wants to dive even deeper into her consciousness and tear her apart bit by bit by bit until she doesn't exist anymore. He hates this pleasant, quaint reality her mind creates: he hates _her_. If she is hypersensitive to the UMN, it's not their problem -- all _they_ are supposed to do is fight U-DO, not fix pretty little girls and make them right again. Sakura looks at him when he thinks these thoughts, and it makes him feel guilty even as it makes him angrier -- how could _she_ know what he's thinking when even Rubedo couldn't?

They reach the river and Sakura pulls her hand away and drops back. Each dive into her subconscious never gets them past the windmills, not when they have Sakura with them. Rubedo is exasperated now. His reasoning is simple: if they could get to whatever it is Sakura is afraid of and eliminate it, they could cure her. Sakura refuses to go on. Nigredo shrugs helplessly and suggest they try again next time, just like he always does. Sakura never says anything and just stares at Rubedo with wide eyes, and Albedo suddenly understands something that Rubedo doesn't: she's as much as afraid of finding a cure as not finding one. He starts to laugh, startling Sakura, who looks like she's on the verge of tears, and Rubedo whirls around, biting off a curse. He marches over and grabs Albedo by the arm, muttering something about calling it a day and going home. Albedo flashes a triumphant smile Sakura's way, and the girl shrinks away, trembling.

He tells her goodbye, sweetly, as they leave. One day they'll get rid of her for sure.


	2. I'll argue the point no longer

_I'll argue the point no longer, only cry for you a little_

_--  
_

He did try to stop Shion from leaving, he really did. There were those in Vector who had accused him of not really trying (funny how they suddenly remembered him at a time like this), and most of those who knew him well -- like Togashi, that idiot, and Miyuki, that busybody -- were floored that he hadn't been more forceful in convincing her to stay. He wasn't surprised they were surprised, considering it was an open secret that:

1. he wasn't _that_ ambitious (and Chief Engineer of the KOS-MOS Project Joint Operation Systems Development, Vector Industries First R&D Division, isn't the exactly the safest position around if the last three years were any indication), and

2. he was in love with Shion Uzuki (though he would never admit that, not to anyone, but especially not to her).

His accusers were right, of course. He tried to stop her, certainly, but his attempts were half-hearted at most -- he understood where she was coming from and why she had to leave. After what had happened, he wasn't certain that Vector Industries -- or the Galaxy Federation Government for that matter -- was an entity he wanted to be associated with. But there was still KOS-MOS to take care of, with her unaccountable black boxes that were beginning to make him think that Kevin had set up this whole thing to be a great big joke, and the rest of the project team to herd and cajole and force results from, and the fact that he didn't quite know what else he was capable of doing with the skills he had. So he said goodbye to Shion and made sure she didn't accidentally leave anything behind, helped her carry her few possessions out of the office and stifled the urge to cry out "Chiiiieeef, come baaack!" as he watched her go.

He hoped she wouldn't be doing anything reckless while he wasn't around. All things considered, it was a useless thing to hope for, like many things when it came to him and Shion, but he hoped anyway.


End file.
